The last couple of days, I've really wanted to lay all this on my family, excitedly, happily, with passion. In my fantasy, they're so interested and receptive: "Really? No way...seriously? WHAT? Are you kidding? Oh my gosh..." Etc.
In reality, it would be met with tears, frustration, devastation, and completely closed minds.
I have never been happier in my life.
Husband's still got a lot of hang ups. I think he's still sad about it. Dreading telling his family. Still studying, writing, studying, mulling, talking...
Going to a big RS get together on Saturday morning. My friends invited me. I don't really care to go for the subject matter, and I'm already annoyed by the lovebombs, but it's kind of an act of defiance for me. I plan on wearing something that people will be easily able to tell I'm not wearing garments. The word is spreading about us not going to church. Let the rumors fly...and let the genuine people be honest and direct with me. I'm looking forward to just being asked.
And when someone finally does ("Why haven't we seen you at church?"), I'm going to look them in the eye and matter-of-factly say: "Because I took a good look at what I believe, did a lot of reading, a lot of pondering, and I'm going with what seems and feels right."
Maybe I'm being naive, but I would think that would have to at least put a damper on any stupid rumors. It is so effing annoying that everyone's first inclination is "Oh, did someone offend them? Did someone make them mad?"
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
aftermath
We're fortunate in our situation. The closest family we have really doesn't care what we do, and the rest are too far away to realize what's going on, so we can tell them in our own time.
Our bishopric came to visit us a couple of weeks ago and were surprisingly awesome about things. They just wanted to make sure they hadn't done anything to offend us. We assured them that wasn't the case (but Husband was upfront about how he didn't like how he was handled in being released) and we were totally fine with them and everyone else. They didn't really ask for further explanation, as our EQ pres/friend had already kind of told them what was going on with us, and they left us with an open invitation to keep attending activities and of course, to come to church whenever we want. It was very refreshing and a great move on their part.
I went out with a bunch of gals from our ward last week too, and not one of them said anything about not seeing me in a while. I'm pretty sure at least one of them knew why, but she was cool with me anyway.
Another sister - who's always been a bit too aggressively helpful and nice for my taste but I like her because of/in spite of that - called me today cause she "hasn't seen me in forever." She said that a couple of times, but I didn't offer any explanation and she didn't directly ask, so we just had a friendly, warm chat. At the end she said "Well, I look forward to seeing you again," and I said "We'll see you around."
So I'm wondering about the different exits other apostates make from the church, and how much those strategies have to do with how they're treated after they leave - because you hear a lot of bad stories about people being total jerks to them. I'm sure if we'd insisted on telling our leaders all the reasons why we're not going anymore, there'd be a different attitude. Instead, I told my RS pres that I needed some space right now to sort things out - thanks to Husband's advice. I had actually drafted a whole letter that explained how I no longer believed and so didn't wish to put my time into it. He told me it was too much, and he was right.
I've been pleasantly surprised with how well everyone has handled us.
However, we still have a lot of family to inform. I can't wait to get that behind us by a couple of years.
Our bishopric came to visit us a couple of weeks ago and were surprisingly awesome about things. They just wanted to make sure they hadn't done anything to offend us. We assured them that wasn't the case (but Husband was upfront about how he didn't like how he was handled in being released) and we were totally fine with them and everyone else. They didn't really ask for further explanation, as our EQ pres/friend had already kind of told them what was going on with us, and they left us with an open invitation to keep attending activities and of course, to come to church whenever we want. It was very refreshing and a great move on their part.
I went out with a bunch of gals from our ward last week too, and not one of them said anything about not seeing me in a while. I'm pretty sure at least one of them knew why, but she was cool with me anyway.
Another sister - who's always been a bit too aggressively helpful and nice for my taste but I like her because of/in spite of that - called me today cause she "hasn't seen me in forever." She said that a couple of times, but I didn't offer any explanation and she didn't directly ask, so we just had a friendly, warm chat. At the end she said "Well, I look forward to seeing you again," and I said "We'll see you around."
So I'm wondering about the different exits other apostates make from the church, and how much those strategies have to do with how they're treated after they leave - because you hear a lot of bad stories about people being total jerks to them. I'm sure if we'd insisted on telling our leaders all the reasons why we're not going anymore, there'd be a different attitude. Instead, I told my RS pres that I needed some space right now to sort things out - thanks to Husband's advice. I had actually drafted a whole letter that explained how I no longer believed and so didn't wish to put my time into it. He told me it was too much, and he was right.
I've been pleasantly surprised with how well everyone has handled us.
However, we still have a lot of family to inform. I can't wait to get that behind us by a couple of years.
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